I promise you this is not another one of those “self love is the best love” Valentine's Day posts. I mean come on, who really wants to read another one of those posts TODAY? So I promise you that this isn’t it. So go on, it is safe for you to continue reading…
And just to prove it, let me recreate my morning for you.
Tuesday, February 14th, 2017. No breakfast in bed for me. Instead I woke up to three little boys in my bed. One of whom was laying directly on top of my bladder and the urge to relieve myself was unbearable. So I slid out of bed, made it to the bathroom and managed to sneak in five minutes of a shower before realizing that I was already about half an hour late. So I rushed and gave the boys Cheerios for breakfast, made three peanut butter sandwiches for lunch and managed to brush my teeth and put on clean clothes before running out of the house.
My hair was uncombed in an unruly curly afro and I resembled a raccoon, thanks to the residue of yesterday’s eyeliner smudged around my eyes. But I didn’t care. I needed a good hazelnut coffee, so I pulled up to the gas station and went inside.
In line at the cashier, I see one of my good friends. I hug her and she excitedly asks “So, what do you have planned for tonight? I know you and the boo must be doing something big!”
Well, wasn’t that the JOKE OF THE DAY!!!
No big deal.
I laughed it off, got my coffee, walked to my car, cranked up the music and continued my journey in to work, completely unphased by Valentine’s Day.
But trust me this whole scenario could have been different. I could have woken up as a miserable bitch loathing the loneliness of singleness. Irritated by all the Valentines’ posts that I would inevitably see on social media. Frustrated that MY King has not yet taken his rightful place next to me on the throne of life.
Yeah, I could have woken up like that. But two years into “singledom” I’ve learned so much about love. More than I learned in all the years I spent in relationships. And yes, I’ll admit, it is definitely because I have had the opportunity to get to know myself and love myself in a real and genuine way. But equally as important is the fact that I have had the time to fall in love with everything else too.
So what if I am single? The fact that I don’t have a significant other to share this day with is ok, because I share love in so many other ways. Every day of my life is surrounded by love. I relish in it. I breathe it in and exhale it back out.
Society tells us that we need to have someone. That having someone is essential for living a “normal” life. And days like Valentine’s Day can make you feel pretty damn crappy about the fact that you have not found your happily ever after.
But what if you could find your happily ever after with out a significant other? What if you could be thirty and single and still happy as a pig in poo? What if the world doesn’t end because you didn’t get flowers this year? What if love extended beyond all of that in to every other part of your life?
That’s what being single has given me. The ability to find love outside of a romantic relationship. The ability to find happiness without the constant validation of another person. Singleness has given me an opportunity to find out what brings ME joy. It’s allowed me to assess what I truly want in a partner and move forward with a clear standard for what will enhance my life.
See, what I have learned throughout this phase of my journey is that love is all about perception. It has absolutely nothing to do with a man (or woman). Love, and the kinds of relationships that I have in my life, are all a reflection of me. Of my character and my self-esteem. We attract what we are not what we want! So if I want love, real, true genuine love…I have to BE that! And every day that I spend soaking up the love that exists inside of me, is an AWESOME day!
I didn’t have to be alone on Valentine’s Day. But to be honest, I don’t feel lonely. And being alone on Valentine’s Day is a small price to pay for waiting for someone who will complement the joy that I already have in my life. The joy that I have found being alone.
And no, this is so not one of those Bitter Betty posts either. I am not a woman scorned. Two years ago, probably. But not today. Because today I totally believe in love. I totally believe that two people can spend their lives together and be excruciatingly happy! I am waiting with open arms for the day that my King reveals himself to me. I’m waiting because I believe with all of my heart that He exists.
So while I watch the rest of the world celebrate the love they have in their lives, I don’t feel envious. I don’t feel left out. I actually feel so grateful for the love that I have in my own. I’m learning how to be grateful for this season of singleness, because it is an opportunity to cultivate love and prepare it for the heart that it is meant for.
But in the meantime, I’m not going to spend my energy being sad or unhappy because I am single. Instead I am going to be an awesome Mommy to my sons. I’m going to create a successful business and brand. I’m going to read a shit load of books. Heck, I may even write my own! I’m going to binge on all of Shonda Rhimes’ shows. I’m going to exercise and learn how to cook all kinds of interesting meals. I’m going to travel. I’m going to drink cheap wine. I’m going to sit under the moonlight and meditate. I’m going to sing in the shower and walk around completely naked! I’m going to go to the movies alone. I’m going to order lobster by myself. I’m going to do amazing things while I’m waiting for my King.
So…to all my single ladies...who graciously smiled at all the happy couples today, do not fret. Being single is not a disease. There is NOTHING wrong with you. You are amazing. Love is all around you. Love is inside of you.
Don’t let this day end thinking that because you are alone you are not enough. You are enough! You are beautiful! You are worthy! You are love!
And please don’t you ever ever forget that you are strong, you are courageous and YOU ARE GREAT!