Yeah that ‘D’ word. It sucks. No one really wants to experience it. In most cases it represents a ton of pain and heartache; failure, regret and fear.
But as I sit in the midst of it, I realize more and more how GRATEFUL I am for it. Now don’t get me wrong, this is not what I wanted for my life. I wanted love. I wanted marriage. I wanted to live happily ever after. But that’s not how it all went down. I chose something that was not right for me and instead of getting all the things I DESIRED, I got a ton of things that I didn’t. As I sit on the cusp of a legal divorce I can’t help but reflect on all the things that I decided to let go of. Things like…
DYSFUNCTION… When two people are not compatible there is no way that anything functional can come out of the relationship. You can pretend for long periods of time. You can try to suppress your feelings or withdraw from your true being, but it won’t last long. It’s only a matter of time before the incompatibility consumes your relationship and removes all semblance of a functional healthy union.
DISRESPECT…It really doesn’t matter how much you say you love a person; your actions will always reveal your true feelings. When you love someone you respect them. You respect who they are, their essence. You respect your relationship and endeavor to preserve it. Lying to them, cheating on them, manipulating and controlling them...that’s all DISRESPECTFUL. It undermines the very nature of what love is. You cannot love a person yet continue to DISRESPECT them. It’s not possible. Love encompasses respect and I do not believe that love can genuinely exist without the other.
DISHONESTY… I’m not just talking about lies because honesty is a way of life. None of us can claim to be perfectly honest ALL of the time. But it’s extremely problematic when a relationship is not based in truth. Anything other than that is DECIET (another ‘D’ word) and nothing pure can be birthed or nurtured in DECIET. DISHONESTY breaks trust and builds a barrier between two hearts. And once trust is broken it is quite possibly the hardest thing to restore. All the best intentions in the world cannot compensate for a relationship that is riddled with DISHONESTY. In fact, how can you even be sure if the love is true when the relationship is built on falsehoods?
DENIAL…oh boy…I’m famous for this one. Like I wrote about in a previous post…”What if? If only? One more time?” have been some of my most DAMAGING thoughts. The truth is, after a certain amount of emotional abuse your mind becomes conditioned to accept that kind of behavior and misplace it as being “normal.” For a long time I refused to let go of the DYSFUNCTION even though it was slowing killing my spirit. I rationalized my way through all kinds of DESTRUCTIVE situations to avoid having to look truth in the face. As a result, I propelled myself deeper and deeper into a cycle of DENIAL until I couldn’t even recognize the DYSFUNCTION any longer.
And at the end of all of these things is a severe condition called DEPRESSION. The memory of it is still palatable. It striped me of my essence. I lost myself in sadness. I settled in the pain of regret and I became numb to life. Nothing excited me, nothing empowered me. I ceased to live and simply existed. I convinced myself and tried to convince others that I was ok, but I never really was. I was simply a fragment of my former self and a fresh piece of the old me died daily.
Those were the ‘D’ words that I chose to live with until I finally decided that DIVORCE, as undesirable as it is, would be a whole lot less painful. It would be a whole lot smarter and a whole lot sweeter. So I traded them in for some other things. Like DELIVERANCE from oppressive thoughts and actions. Or DYNAMIC, celebrating my greatness instead of hiding it. And DIVINTY, accepting and embracing the Goddess within.
In this life you have to choose your battles wisely. There is nothing DISHONOURALE about walking away from a situation that no longer brings you peace. There is nothing DAMNING about removing things which no longer nourish your spirit. But it is most DISAPPOINTING when we allow the fear of change to control our lives. Because when we allow fear to control us we settle into a life of DARKNESS.
What do you need to DIVORCE yourself from? It may be a relationship. It may be a friendship. It may be a job. A habit or a thinking pattern. There are tons of ‘D’ words out there…which ones are you willing to live with?
Be strong…be courageous…be GREAT!