Ok so you love him. You’ve spent years loving him. Maybe you gave birth to his children, helped him through rough times and even married him. He says he loves you too. You believe him. But really what does love have to do with it?
I’ll be the first to admit that I’ve loved a man or two. Or three or four. Or so I thought! And the only thing I have to show for it, besides a books worth of stories, are my 3 beautiful children. But what else could I have expected? Cause loving someone else when you barley love yourself is dangerous and irresponsible.
This type of love will make you do some crazy things. It will make abandon your dreams, hurt your family, spend your last dime and lower your standards. It will drain you and leave you mentally and emotionally exhausted. But we do it all the time, so much so that it has become the norm, but this isn’t the way love was intended to be.
1 Corinthians 13 gives us a very clear outline of what love is. Love is patient. Love is kind. It is not jealous. It does not hold grudges. It is supportive. It is eternal. Love is the most powerful force in the universe. Love is God. God is love.
When you stop and think about what love really is, you can’t help but be overwhelmed by it. Love, in its purest form, is so amazing. But love distorted is disastrous. Love given frivolously is suicidal.
I’ve learned that love, when misplaced, can do so much damage to a woman’s soul. (It can do the same for a man but I can’t speak for their experience, I can only speak to mine) By nature women are nurturers. Most of us have this innate quality that desires to take care of the people we love. We would do anything for them, to see them succeed and to know that they are happy. And this is a beautiful quality. It is amazing what a good woman can do for a man.
But until a woman takes time to invest in her being, all she is giving are fragments of her soul. Trust me, there are fragments of Juanae all over the place. I gave pieces of myself to different men and ended up feeling broken and incomplete.
So often we give OF ourselves before giving TO ourselves. I’ve come to a place in my life were I see how important it is to fill myself with love, acceptance and hope. Because when you spend so much time giving it to others your left with very little to offer yourself. And it doesn’t matter how educated you are, how popular you are or what your salary may be. When your soul is empty…your soul is empty!
I’ve been through a few failed relationships and at the end of each one I’m always left feeling empty. It’s almost like my self-worth was dependent on how much someone else loved me. And when you place so much emphasis on how others value you, you struggle to find value in yourself without them.
So really, what does love have to do with it? EVERYTHING!
Self-love, or a lack there of, is the answer to every single problem I have ever had! It’s the answer to why my relationships have been so tumultuous. It’s the answer to why I am overweight and have been for all of my adult life. Absence of self-love is the reason I’ve spent so many years trying to ‘fit in’. It is literally the reason why I haven’t been able to find peace in my life. Because love is the beginning of all good things.
I wonder how awesome this world would be if we learned how to love ourselves first? I wonder what a difference we could make if we focused on being a whole person instead of looking for our better half. I wonder what we could achieve if we put the same amount of time and resources into finding and fulfilling our individual purpose as we do into finding our soul mate.
I’m excited to see what loving myself will do for me…and the world! Join me on this journey…